Crack the Bell

Letterman Pummels McCain

The money quote:

"You know who John McCain is - he's the running mate of Sarah Palin."

Donna Brazile Forgets She Has to Go Back on Television

Dan Rather at The Big Tent

Today's activities at The Big Tent include discussion of the role of bloggers and the media in covering political issues and campaigns.  Here's Dan Rather:

What an Ass

Is there anyone left who doesn't think Bill O'Reilly is a complete idiot?

Top Ten Things You Won't Hear Sportscasters Say This Weekend

The top ten things you won't hear a sportscaster say on the opening weekend of college football:

1. I've seen better passes in an airport men's room.
2. One thing about Tommy Bowden teams - they always finish the season strong.
   
3. They'll need new goalposts in Durham after tonight!
   
4. And when Nick Saban says something, he means it.
5. Our crew caught up with Blake Mitchell when he was coming out of class the other day.
   
6. Isn't this a good-looking crowd in Knoxville tonight?
7. Whenever Florida and Western Kentucky tangle, you know it's going to come down to the wire.
   
8. And listen to these Razorback fans cheering for Coach Houston Nutt!
9. It's really saying something if you can come through a PAC-10 schedule unscathed.
10. And you just have to feel that when Ole Miss and Mississippi State get together at the end of the year, a berth in the SEC championship and a BCS bid will be on the line.
    

Wonder Pets

The State has two heartwarming (although one's is a little chilling as well) animal stories today.  First up is Sandy, a golden retriever who stood by his lost little master when two-year-old Connor Cummings wandered off from his North Carolina home over the weekend:

Connor, not yet 2, and Sandy were found together in a wooded area more than a mile from their home in northwestern Granville County more than 24 hours later.

Rescuers found Connor after two men on horseback heard Sandy bark.

“She’s pretty much a baby sitter for him,” Connor’s mother, Teresa Cummings, said of the golden retriever.

 As rescuer Steve Brewer said, "It's just like one of those Lassie stories" except I bet Lassie never got rewarded with three burgers and three pieces of chicken like ol' Sandy did.

The story that either a) warms the cockles of your heart or b) scares the bejezus out of you is that of Oscar the cat.  This frisky feline raised in a nursing home ain't no ordinary cat, friend - he can tell when a patient is going to die:

The 2-year-old feline was adopted as a kitten and grew up in a third-floor dementia unit at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. The facility treats people with Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s disease and other illnesses.

After about six months, the staff noticed Oscar would make his own rounds, just like the doctors and nurses. He’d sniff and observe patients, then sit beside people who would die within a few hours.

Angel of Death?I've been shooing away our own beloved Tiggy since I read that story this morning.  I mean, look at his eyes in that picture - you can tell he's none to pleased that we've introduced this new puppy into the house, so who's to say he's not planning to off me in retaliation?

As astute readers know, we love us some animals in the Kelly/Carrigg household, but lately we have some new favorites.  I'm speaking, of course, of The Wonder Pets.

Don't get me wrong, Sandy deserves the praise - and the burgers - he's getting for keeping Connor safe.  But two days? C'mon, the Wonder Pets rescued "A unico-orn! With a little ho-orn!" in less than 15 minutes the other day.  You give Linny, Tuck and Ming Ming, too, a couple of days like that, and they could round up all the lost dogs in Columbia and return them to their grateful owners - and still have time to munch on some celery. 

Heck, the other day, they helped a puppy who had to pee get of the house his stupid owners had left him in (see Season One, Episode 7).  If they had an 800 number on that tin can phone of theirs, I'd put in a call to get them to help housetrain our new puppy, as long as the cat doesn't eat him first.

Besides rescuing other animals, The Wonder Pets are preparing a whole new generation of children to appreciate Broadway musicals.  I'd say a good 70 percent of the dialogue in the show is sung rather than spoken.  My two-year-old daughter Sophie now sings (and here you have to imagine, say, the theme music to the Chris Reeve Superman movies) stuff like, "Da-addy! I want some gra-apes!" and "Mo-ommy! Where's my apple juice?"  It's darling, I tell you.

Gene Simmons Family Jewels

So a couple of weeks back I said Rock Star: Supernova might be my summer show.  I was wrong - it's Gene Simmons Family Jewels.

I never got into The Osbournes all that much, but this show is hilarious.  Who knew that the demon leader of KISS was such a doting "husband" and the world's most overbearingly supportive dad?

Related:

Gene Simmons
KISSonline
Family Jewels on Myspace

And, by the way, you have to check out the KISS Coffeehouse in Myrtle Beach.

No Surprise There

The same outfit that doctored a 9/11 photo in an ad for Ohio's Sen. Mike Dewine also counts among its clients none other than our own Lindsey Graham.  They also did work through the National Republican Senatorial Committee for Jim Demint.

I sure hope Ralph Norman writes someone a letter about this, since the National Republican Congressional Committee is so pissed about the DCCC using flag-draped coffins in a video.

Oh, wait, the NRCC is a Stevens Reed client, too.  Damn, we shoulda used fake coffins.

Rock Star

I watched some of Rock Star: Supernova last night.  Talk about your freaks.  But some of the music was pretty damn good.  I have a feeling this is the summer show I am going to reluctantly find myself addicted to.

Personally, I'm starting to think we might all be better off if we started electing presidents this way.

Stephen Colbert

I watched "The Colbert Report" for the first time last night - give me a break for not being hip, I have three kids and I'm too damn tired to watch television at 11:30 - and that dude is seriously funny.

He made some Congressman from Georgia look like a complete doofus simply by asking him to recite the Ten Commandments, right after this guy said how important it was that the commandments be displayed in the House and Senate chambers and, presumably, on every courthouse wall in America.  Mr. Congressperson got up to about three before admitting he didn't know them.

Is this a regular part of the program? Why in God's name do real people consent to be interviewed? (Thank God they do, because the comedy is priceless)  Fill me in here - should I start Tivoing this sucker?